Each year I struggle at this time,
and your birthday
and Christmas. I call Darren to see what he got you, or to see if he can give me any tips as to what to get. Occasionally I'll call Eloise to ask her. But every year regardless I struggle. It's the hardest thing in the world for me; to try to figure out what to get for "the man who has everything". Seriously, that's the way I think of you...yeah I know there's the Porsche, but honestly, I could never take away the joy of letting you get that one yourself, I know how much it means for you to get that one on your own :)
I've given the DVD's which sometimes seem silly, because you hardly watch television, always on the go you are, and they are so
cheap uh inexpensive, as to seem thoughtless, but mind you, I take great care in picking out films that I think you would enjoy. However, there are only so many Clint Eastwood films around, and I don't really know any other genres that might interest you. As far as the polo shirt I gave you for Christmas, (which you seem to really like, and have mentioned several times) that was sheer luck, and I am thankful for it. I just hate to give the same gift twice, its like I just can't think of anything
better else. As if I lack the creativity, and honestly it feels that way sometimes; or worse yet, that I don't know you, but not this time.
This year I decided to "speak to you" from the heart, which sounds trite as I write this, but follow me for a second. All the years growing up with mom, I bought you Father's Day cards and never mailed them, (I'm a horrible pack-rat as you know), and I still have many of them to this day. Nope, not another card that wouldn't get mailed. Not this year, but rather a virtual I love you for the world to see what a great dad I think you are.
My heart is palpitating at a break neck speed right now, as I am flooded with memories of my youth. Jumping in the sand at the track (we should have known then long and triple were not my strong suits). Bowling with you and Uncle Larry in California, going to the office in Marietta. I felt so important to you, like I was the biggest part of your world. As I got older though, I felt a shift - I couldn't see (like many tweens/teens) that you were still doing things for me. Incidentally those years REALLY shaped me.
I wrote some of my best poetry during that time, explored our culture more,and become more learned as to the ways of society. I learned new thought processes and considered new career paths. I also learned; it's not always "what you know, but who you know". All children need to see their parents or someone in their family reach after a dream and pursue it with all their might - you did that for me. I saw someone who was bound by nothing, you made it happen. I am so appreciative of that, more than words could ever adequately express.
In more ways than you probably know, you have been a positive motivating force within my life. You have believed in me, and supported me my whole life. You have introduced me to people I never could have conceived the notion of meeting on my own. Exposed me to culture, and the only sport I desire to follow (track and field). You have forgiven me my transgressions and welcomed me into your home. You have loved me, like only a good father can.
I am blessed to be your daughter. My sincerest hope is that I continue to grow into a woman whom you feel is a mutual blessing to you.
Graphic courtesy of:
Wilson's Free Clipart
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